26 November 2010


Well, I've taken in a stray. J's girlfriend is staying with us now. The two of them live in the big room in the basement like a couple. Sigh. I really never considered ever doing this. When they were little I never gave this kind of future much thought, but here it is anyway.

J was spending a lot of time at GF's house as I mentioned before but last weekend GF's mom told J he's not welcome any more. According to her, J told her younger daughter (GF's sister) not to come home that night. Then the sister got hit by a car and broke her neck, shoulder, arm and foot (she's doing ok and released from the hospital after a few days). So now J isn't welcome in the house because if he hadn't told the sister not to come home, she wouldn't have been hit by the car. J and GF tell me that J told sister not to bring This Guy home as he's not a good guy and mom gave sister $20 knowing that sister would find a way to buy alcohol with it and black out. Oh yeah, sister is 12 years old.

So anyway, I agreed with the mother that J isn't welcome there, he has no right to say who comes and goes out of that house. While I was on the phone with the mother she told me that GF and J are inseparable (true) and I can take GF too, she'd sign over the rights and everything. Um. Ok. I'm definitely not ready to have a teenage daughter, but thanks. I didn't tell the mother what I'd decided, but told GF she can stay here under three conditions: no drugs or alcohol in the house, no smoking in the house, and she has to go to school. She agreed.

Then she skipped school. J and GF said it was too cold. Ok, it was in the -25C range but really, this is Alberta, they should be used to it. I looked at GF's thin little hoodie and asked her if that was the warmest coat she had. It was. Her shoes had holes too. So we went shopping where I bought her a warm hoodie, shoes (I've given up on getting teens to wear boots), condoms and various other little things. Now there are no excuses. They skipped again. I flipped out. I was very unpleasant when I informed J that GF will have to move out if they skip again. Because the school can't release info about GF to me as I'm not her guardian, I will go by whether or not J attends. He skips, she moves out that same day.

On the upside, I've seen more of J than I have in months. He's even eating dinner with us! For now.


Chantelle said...

This can't be easy for you and I'm proud of you for taking GF in. it's got to be hard to parent a couple of inseparable teenagers who think they're adults.

I hope that by helping them they don't get into the world of hurt I see ahead for them if things don't change. And if the two of them decide to go their own way, then you know that you did everything you could.

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

Love you to pieces,

Anonymous said...

Life has really dealt you a difficult one there. Taking in GF and letting her and J stay in the basement together is absolutely huge! You are turning out to be the mom I wanted to be. Hope everything turns out ok.

Like Chantelle, I'm willing to help if you need, just let me know.
Love you lots, Mom

The Hyperlexian Aspie said...

wow, that is shocking. i totally understand the reasons you did this, and i support your decision absolutely.

it's going to be hard to stand firm with the rules, but it's good that you are trying to insist on it. i agree with the importance, totally.

don't worry too much if it doesn't work out, and don't blame yourself if she ends up straying. love and affection and boundaries and money and all the right things can't fix everything.

(((hugs and support)))