21 December 2010

Lady bits

I went to my doctor for my annual physical yesterday, one of those things I'd avoid if I could but the doctor won't write prescriptions for more than one year of birth control pills. While I was there she asked me how I was doing so I said I was stressed. She asked why and I told her my mom died at the beginning of the month. She asked how my mom died and I told her it was suicide at which point the doctor stopped in the middle of her typing to ask my mom's name. You see, my doctor is in the same practice as my mom's doctor. I could tell they'd talked amongst themselves about my mom but didn't really want to admit that to me.

As usual for me I felt the need to justify things a bit and told my doctor that my mom had been hoarding her medications for years but we didn't know. And while we knew she was suicidal we didn't really know for sure she'd make an attempt now. I really thought that since she made it past the first year after my dad died that she'd be around for a while. I didn't realize her depression was deepening, I thought it leveled out.

Anyway, I asked my doctor to put me on a lighter dose of birth control pills as I am on one of the heavier varieties and have been for more than half my life now. Every month I get migraines for about two days and I'm really really tired of it. I found out that the migraines are caused by the sudden drop in estrogen from the Pill and so I figured a lighter dose would keep the migraines at bay. The doctor agreed but also told me that women who get migraines on the Pill are more likely to have a stroke. Well. That's just unacceptable.

She asked me if I was planning on ever having children again, to which I responded with an emphatic NO. I am done with babies. I love my boys dearly but have zero desire to start all over again with parenting. The doctor then suggested that I get my tubes tied, that way I'd be permanently unable to have kids and I don't have to worry about the side effects of the Pill.

My main concern with that was the recovery period. Last I'd heard it would take about six weeks before normal activity can begin again. And I have a job with a huge amount of heavy lifting so I thought I'd be out of commission for a long time. It turns out that they tie tubes using laproscopic surgery like they did with my gall bladder. She said that some women are able to return to work the next day with no problems. So I said 'what the hell, sign me up!' She'll contact the OB/GYN for a consultation about it and let me know. Because my job involves so much lifting I figure I'll just take my vacation time beginning on the date of the surgery so I have lots of time to recover and rebuild my strength.

It doesn't solve my main reason I'm on the Pill though. S is fixed because he didn't want kids and I wanted to go off the Pill. But the Pill regulates my period. I like knowing exactly when it'll arrive and for how long. I feel like I'm far too old to be surprised by a visit from Mother Nature. Oh well, I suppose I was going to have to deal with that eventually anyway. And even though S is fixed I'm still nervous about not having any kind of birth control at all. I feel like my incredibly fertile egg will somehow manage to coax one measly sperm to it. I know, silly and unrealistic. But whatever. This way there will be absolutely no chance of any babies at all ever. I am definitely ok with that.

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