21 April 2012

Remembering

I have discovered that I remember my mom with very specific things which is not the case with my dad. At first I thought it was because my dad died three years before my mom so I've had three extra years to get used to him not being here. But that's not the case. I don't associate events or things with my dad like I do my mom.

My landlord felt it necessary to have my roof shingled and thankfully most of the work was done while I wasn't home. I did get home yesterday to discover they had put a boom box on top of my chimney and plugged it in with the air compressor at my back yard outlet. I hate listening to other people's radios. I mean I really hate it. My first instinct was to go outside and yell at them to turn it down (it was reverberating throughout my house), and failing that to unplug it or even cut the cord. And I thought of my mom. She would have done exactly that - been overbearing and nasty to get her way. Every time a social situation arises that I don't like (radios, people cutting in line, loud gum chewers, etc) I think of my mom and how badly she would have handled it. I let the roofers play their boom box, they were almost done anyway.

Craft shows is another time I always think of my mom. She had put some of her place mats and quilts in a few shows about 25 years ago. We also used to visit the bigger craft shows together, sometimes with my sisters and sometimes not, mostly to see what's new and popular. Oh, and to judge everybody's work. Judgement is a big one with my mom, but that's a different post for a different day. A guy I work with had his woodworking stuff at a craft show nearby and invited me to come see his stuff. It was a Christmas show and my mom died near Christmas which made it extra difficult to go but I did go. I spent the whole time in my mind comparing other people's knitting and sewing to my mom's abilities. And the whole time I was there I couldn't stop thinking of my mom and every craft show we'd been to over the years. I don't even like to look at billboards advertising the shows any more, it just reminds me too much of my mom.

And weird or unusual weather. My mom used to informally keep track of the weather and it's oddities. This year we had one of the warmest winters on record, my mom would have noted that. As well when we had the snowpocalypse the year before. Extreme storms, rainy summers, early springs, longer winters, warm falls. That kind of thing. So whenever the weather isn't behaving like it's expected to, I think of my mom...which has been a lot lately. The weather patterns seem to be changing or in some kind of upheaval lately.

On the other hand, I think of my dad pretty randomly. With the exception of family gatherings. Each time my family has had a get together at someone's house since he died I think of him. He and I used to do the supper dishes together almost all the time, it became a routine for the two of us. But other than that I don't have any clear events or items that cause me to stop and remember him like I do my mom. 

I wonder if I will be able to not associate things with my mom over time. I hope so. I really prefer the randomness of the memories I have with my dad than the overwhelming memories I have with specific things and my mom.

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