I want to move to a different house. This idea snuck up on me when I wasn't paying attention and has become all I can see at the moment.
Maybe it has something to do with the impending launch of my two boys? T is in school and will finish his program by December 2014 at which point he will need to begin paying me rent. J is going to be 18 in September 2014 at which point he will have to pay rent as well. He won't have to pay rent if he goes to post-secondary school, but that's unlikely. He dislikes school with a passion (gets it from his mom - lol). Both boys have said they don't want to pay me to live here, that if they have to pay rent then they would rather live on their own. Little do they know this is the purpose of charging rent. I love them very much but I don't feel like I've done my job as a parent if they don't live their own lives and are responsible for their own finances/jobs/wants/needs. So in about a year I may have an empty nest.
Or do I want to move because my ex lived here with me? Every room of the house has some memory of my ex in some way. Obviously I expect that because we both lived here for seven years. But I'm tired of going into the server room and seeing it as my ex's computer room. Or the storage/workout room as his auto parts room. S and I have developed our own memories here but sometimes my ex floats by like an uninvited ghost and I hate it. I would like to live in a house that neither S nor I have lived in before, preferably in an area of the city unfamiliar to both of us as well.
Maybe it's because I can no longer maintain the property? Now that I have arthritis in my knees I find the lawn is just too damn big to mow. It takes an hour and a half to do a crappy job, more than two hours to do a decent job. The lawn is also filled with weeds. So much so that it's overwhelming thinking of manually removing each and every one. I used to use a weed & feed combination (weed killer and fertilizer combined) but my province outlawed it a few years ago. Weeding the lawn has become unimportant now that I can't do it easily. And the shoveling! I tried to do it with the recent snowfall and found that yes, it hurt my knees. Our driveway is three cars wide and grass, it's a pain in the ass to shovel on a good day much less now that I can only do it in fits and starts. And the gardens are just too big to keep weeded now that I can't kneel for extended periods. Even if I could weed for an hour or two at a time, I'm too tired after work to be putting in hard labour at home too. Just getting older I guess.
How about because I'm just tired of my landlord? He came by for his annual visit to check up on the house. This time he brought both of his sons along to help out or prepare them for the inheritance or something. While they were here I saw the landlord looking wistfully at the house and making comments about how he built the pad the shed is on, or how he laid the linoleum in the kitchen. I suspect this might have been his final visit to the house (he's in his 80's easily, possibly 90's) and was preparing for his sons to become familiar with the property. This could be a good thing overall. What became glaringly obvious during the visit was that the landlord viewed the property as his house that he is allowing me to live in. Sort of like renting a room in someone else's house - there are unwritten rules about behaviour and upkeep because you are in someone else's house as a courtesy. His sons, however, treated the house as a potential source of income and as my home. The difference was astoundingly clear and made it obvious why I've been stressed over the years. I've always had to live by someone else's idea of what is correct and I am damn tired of it. With his sons it might be easier...but more expensive. They have a better idea of what the house is worth and while my rent goes up by $50 each year right now, I can see them raising it by more and more and more.
It could also be that the city is planning on building an LRT just three blocks from my house. LRT is Light Rail Transit...like a subway but above ground. This could increase the value (thereby increasing my rent) or decrease it by being on the wrong side of the tracks. As it is I'm only a few blocks from a light industrial area to the east and the LRT is going to the west. When the tracks are laid it will mean I will need to cross them every time I want to travel to the mall or the grocery store I usually go to. This is not a good thing. The LRT runs very frequently (as often as every 7 minutes downtown) and will disrupt traffic significantly.
Sigh. For now it is all just ranting. Moving now would be foolish, it's better to wait until the boys move out so S and I can find a place just for the two of us. I'm just feeling like I want to get on with it, y'know?